Saturday, September 17, 2011

Things that make you go hmm...

First, this is directed at Morning Guy. If you and your seventeen year old niece are in line to get into the same “social establishment” in Starkville, then you should not be there. You have now become the old creepy guy. Go home. I have no further comment on her being there.

Second, what is with airlines? My ticket was bought by the government at a premium price months ago. I arrived over two hours before departure and Delta has the nerve to give a boarding pass with “seat requested” instead of a confirmed seat assignment. Um, yes, a seat was requested. Months. Ago. You accepted my money in response to that request. That, my friend, is what we lawyers call offer, acceptance, and consideration. The combination of which leads to a binding contract. Look it up.

So, I go and take a seat at the gate. There is a list of standby passengers on the screen on which, I do not appear. I go to counter to inquire. “Oh ma’am, you are on our list but we just have gotten to you yet.” What the hell? How many people did you sell a “seat” to and then NOT give a seat assignment? At least the six, because they are appearing on the screen. I did get on the plane shortly before departure. This must be illegal or at least immoral.

Lastly, what is up with electronics on planes? There is a militia of “flight attendants” that come by to make sure your electronic devices are in the off position from the time the door shuts on the plane to the time you reach 10,000 feet and from 10,000 feet to the ground. If it has an on/off switch and batteries, you better believe that they are going ream you if it is not in the off position. If my iphone and little Jimmy’s game boy can put a 757 at risk, then why are terrorists packing bombs in their undies? I’m just saying.

Much Love, The Cuddler

P.S. Plum if you ever act like a little crap in the Orlando airport after Morning Guy and I have shelled out thousands of dollars to take you to the happiest place on earth, I will tan your hide in the bathroom. Well, knowing me, I will first give you a hug and ask you 1. to calm down and 2. what is bothering you. If you choose not to accept my offer of grace, then Morning Guy will meter out more traditional discipline. We love you enough to make sure you know that you are not center of the universe. (This is currently a work in progress. Right now, you are right on track with your wildly egocentric attitude. Way to meet a developmental milestone! Prepare to be taken down a few notches over the next couple of years.) You will, at least, feign gratitude for all that we allow you to have. Remember, we can also take it all away.

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