Thursday, September 29, 2011

Store Bought High

Sugar high, that is. Plum and his daycare buddies will be flying high on these treats tomorrow.

They were prettier but they went flying onto the floor board of the Pilot on the way out of the walmart parking lot. I had to buy the pink ones because they were freshest.

I'm a lazy working mother. This is the best that I could do.

Love, the Cuddler

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

so sad

Dearest Plum,

As we approach your second birthday, I have been preparing for your party. I went this week to the walmart to get supplies for your cake. As I was in the cake decorating aisle trying to pick out a sheet pan, a woman startled me by speaking to a toddler with such harsh "not nice" words in such an angry way that I stood there looking blankly at the pans for several minutes. I could not decide if I should hug her, pray for her, or beg her to stop yelling at him. I hope and pray that this was not his mother, but I suspect that it was. It broke my heart and made my stomach turn. His lack of reaction tells me that this was not the first time that someone has treated him this way.

In thirty-one years, my mother has never spoken such hurtful words to me or ever used that tone with me.

I know that I will fail you in many ways on many days. May God have mercy on my soul if I ever make you feel like you are anything but my life's greatest responsibility and a precious child of God.

You are truly the light of our lives and joy of our hearts.

Love, your mother

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Things that make you go hmm...

First, this is directed at Morning Guy. If you and your seventeen year old niece are in line to get into the same “social establishment” in Starkville, then you should not be there. You have now become the old creepy guy. Go home. I have no further comment on her being there.

Second, what is with airlines? My ticket was bought by the government at a premium price months ago. I arrived over two hours before departure and Delta has the nerve to give a boarding pass with “seat requested” instead of a confirmed seat assignment. Um, yes, a seat was requested. Months. Ago. You accepted my money in response to that request. That, my friend, is what we lawyers call offer, acceptance, and consideration. The combination of which leads to a binding contract. Look it up.

So, I go and take a seat at the gate. There is a list of standby passengers on the screen on which, I do not appear. I go to counter to inquire. “Oh ma’am, you are on our list but we just have gotten to you yet.” What the hell? How many people did you sell a “seat” to and then NOT give a seat assignment? At least the six, because they are appearing on the screen. I did get on the plane shortly before departure. This must be illegal or at least immoral.

Lastly, what is up with electronics on planes? There is a militia of “flight attendants” that come by to make sure your electronic devices are in the off position from the time the door shuts on the plane to the time you reach 10,000 feet and from 10,000 feet to the ground. If it has an on/off switch and batteries, you better believe that they are going ream you if it is not in the off position. If my iphone and little Jimmy’s game boy can put a 757 at risk, then why are terrorists packing bombs in their undies? I’m just saying.

Much Love, The Cuddler

P.S. Plum if you ever act like a little crap in the Orlando airport after Morning Guy and I have shelled out thousands of dollars to take you to the happiest place on earth, I will tan your hide in the bathroom. Well, knowing me, I will first give you a hug and ask you 1. to calm down and 2. what is bothering you. If you choose not to accept my offer of grace, then Morning Guy will meter out more traditional discipline. We love you enough to make sure you know that you are not center of the universe. (This is currently a work in progress. Right now, you are right on track with your wildly egocentric attitude. Way to meet a developmental milestone! Prepare to be taken down a few notches over the next couple of years.) You will, at least, feign gratitude for all that we allow you to have. Remember, we can also take it all away.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Some Tidbits from my TDY Trip

1. $4.37 for a iced tea at the Jackson airport is criminal. They know that I cannot bring in a drink from the outside because of the TSA rules. I'm thinking of writing a congressman.

2. Unless you are under 23 years old and 125 pounds, you should only wear leggings with a dress.

3. Just because you are in the Orlando airport, does not mean that you have to wear a Mickey Mouse tee shirt. I'm just saying, you an adult and are wearing a cartoon mouse on your chest.

4. There is no need to stand up on the plane when we pull up to the gate. It is going to be another 10 minutes or so. Calm down. Sit down.

5. This is to the men (are there any men here?), when you are at hibachi do not repeatedly try to engage a group of women in conversation. They are not interested.

6. They should give you shot of vodka in ATL when you disembark just to take the edge off.

7. Disney is not the happiest place on earth when the only place you want to be is home.

8. Toddler and Tiaras is scary. The moms are really scary and they girls are sad. But it is addictive like crystal meth. You know you shouldn't but you just can't help it.

9. Oh, but "I was pregnant and didn't know it" was scarier.

10. When the Cuddler is away, Plum goes to Kelsey's volleyball game with Unc and Aunt M.

And to work with Morning Guy when he is running fever and cannot go daycare.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

beach bust

Day one:
Travel to the beach along with lots of other people in the rain. Sit in traffic for forever.

Days two, three and four:
We were under siege with angry skies

Blistering winds that will blast you with sand

Raging seas

So, what do you do for four days when you have to hunker down and hide?

Snuggle with Kelsey Ann

Go to Walmart a couple of times


Let Aunt M give you a mohawk

Wait until day five, the last day, when the sun comes out and make the most of it by checking out the sea life

Until next year

Love, the Plum

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Dearest Love,

Dearest Love,

You are acting like the satanic love child of Brittany Spears and Charlie Sheen. Nothing pleases you and you are kicking and screaming like a wild bear is atttaking you.

I know that all children your age do not act like this because their parents are procreating again. This leads me to two conclusions 1. one their mothers are not in tears at the thought of the mothering a baby along with thier toddlerr and 2. they are doing what it takes to procreat.

Between your bad attitude, Tropical Storm Lee "acting as a conveyor belt, dragging heavy rain into parts of the Gulf coast" and ruining our vacation that I have waited 50 weeks for, and the return of what I suspect is bronchitis, I am pissy.

Please behave tomorrow.

Much Love, your mother