Adoption is hard

I felt like I needed to disclose that in case anyone reads this blog and thinks that I am trying to make bringing a two year old who does not know English, has never been part of a family and is non-verbal seem easy.  It is messy.  It is messier with a three year old who thinks he is the center of universe.  But very few things worth doing are easy.  Striving to serve God is never easy for me.  Mothering in a loving, firm, unconditional way with patience is work for me.

So along those lines, I show the face that I see regularly.  I get this face when Sam is not the center of my undivided attention which is sometimes necessitated by the fact that is not an only child.  Other times, I have no explanation for this face.  This face represents progress for me.  It means he is sharing his feelings the good, the bad and ugly.  It is a step change for him in that he only cried a couple of times in the first week we were together.  He now believes that someone cares when he is upset so there is purpose in crying.  He also cries now at bedtime and when he wakes up.

Other times are fun times.  Learning to play with a box.

Learning to play at the park.

 

 

John Hinton four wheeling.  

 

 

Hanging out in the dryer. 

 

Don't call DHS. I've never cut it on.

The Latest

We are over jet lag and just got back from a two day trip to UAB to meet with specialist and surgeons for Sam.  Both days were over four hours with no lunch or nap.  We were only suppose to be there one day but the International Clinic was able to get us in to see the doctors at the Cleft Clinic the following day. We got lots of great information and will be moving forward with some of Sam's surgeries soon. We found out that he isn't hearing very well, likely due to years worth of untreated ear infections. Hopefully, that will all be resolved with tubes during his first surgery. We don't expect him to be able to verbalize much until he can hear us. Since we stayed an unexpected day, we were able to visit Jessica! That led to this cuteness. Jessica bought Sam some adorable clothes and James had the same outfit.
 

Lest you think that my days are filled with only cuteness, I started my day off today spooning through Sam's poo with a small shovel so we can send it off to see if he has parasites. There is no reason to think that he does. It is just standard for kids adopted from overseas. The bad news is that I have let John Hinton and Sam bathe together and Sam pooed in the tub. It will now add insult to John Hinton's injury if he gets the parasites. It's all very glamorous. 

Home

We are home.  We are jet lagged, but we are surviving.
John Hinton has only asked to send Sam back to China once.

Almost home!

Just a few more days and our family will be together. Everyone says enjoy your time China. I think being separated from our family at Christmas and cutting short our traditions made our trip a little more difficult for me to enjoy this trip. But more so than that, one of the biggest parts of my heart is half way around the world. While we have added Sam to our family, my family is not complete until all four of us are together. John Hinton is doing great and has been such a trooper. I think nonnie and pawpaw will be glad when we get home. I've never said he wasn't an exhausting handful. Just that he was my love.

I'm pretty sure trig may be the happiest to see us come home. I understand John Hinton has gone all Caesar Milan on he and piggy.






Here is pictorial evidence of Sam's communication. This was right before the waitress came over pointing and fussing and both us. And then examined his deformity on his lower lip and kept pointing it out to me and fussing at me like maybe i had missed it.





Sam has had a good day. We can't wait to take him home. We are still getting to know each other but he is not sobbing when he wakes up anymore. This is us in a nice park across from the hotel.




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Who says we can't communicate?

Sam speaks no English. He does not seem to understand much English. We don't speak Mandarin, Cantonese or the chow dialect which are all spoken in his province. But Sam is well versed in toddlerease. When he is ticked off, he uses the universal sign language. He just lays out on the ground and cries and stares at me. Now, being that I have spent some time studying this particular dialect, I am not alarmed. However, every old lady in this town thinks this is a international incident. They come over. They point at him. They point at me. Yes, he's with me. No, i am not going to pick him up. I just wait and stare back at him and his old ladies. Even when it is 40 degrees and we are at some sort of botanical garden and he is on asphalt. I've seen these battles and my back already hurts. I have no desire to fight in the trenches. When he is ready to stand up, I'll help him. Until then, I'm considering charging admission to the show.


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I don't know what day it is

In adoption, like life, there are beautiful moments. There are also gut wrenching moments of grief and loss because we live in a broken world. Our story is no different.

Just imagine how scary it must be for him being dropped off with two white people who don't speak your language after a 6 hour bus ride when you have never even left your orphanage or ridden in a car.

Sometimes Sam will hit and throw things, mainly at mama since she is there. He has and will continue to sort out his feelings of grief, anger and confusion over his adoption, his lost culture, and his first family. We will hold him, kiss him, love him, and whisper payers of peace to him though each one of these moments. I pray one day he can appreciate that God built our family with him as a cornerstone and count it a blessing. I know that I will.

Not all moments are easy but we will be thankful in each one that it brings us one step closer to healing his broken heart and grafting us into his.

Seven days and counting until I can wrap my arms around both my boys.

We had an outing to shop, eat and play at a park and he fell asleep in the carrier on the bus. Still snoozing an hour later.




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Wednesday December 26th

Today Sam has been a little subdued. We will definitely have some food issues associated with not having access to ample food up to this point. We a category 4 melt down over spilled puffs earlier. JR rated it. He said the highest would be a cat 5 but that only occurs if you soil yourself. I'm glad he cried. This is only the third time he has cried at all. Often kids in orphanages stop crying even when soiled, hungry or hurt because they learn no one will help them. I want him to know that when he has a need, he can cry out and we will meet his needs.

In random facts, I think he has been potty training. He will be dry after a 4 plus hours so we sat him on potty to see if he would go and he did.

He is such a gentle and orderly child. I'm sure John Hinton will help him with his rough and tumble and reckless abandon. That or I will have to medicate both of them so they can survive. Or I'll just self medicate.

We went to the play ground here and he slid for what I'm sure was the first time. Then we did It 100 more times. I was glad to see him use some gross motor skills.

We went sighting today included a Buddhist temple which was beautiful with lovely gardens. We also went to the jewelry market and I bought ring. It was only $50 but I have no idea if it is even real silver. Our games of charades does not bring much fruit. Which brings me to dining out without our guides. Last night the three of us split 11 shrimp and one pot of tea. By split, I mean Sam eat the vast majority of it, JR got McDonalds on the way back to the hotel and I went to bed hungry. Tonight, we spilt two shrimp dishes some small bowl of white rice and two pots of tea. I'm getting better.

The low point of the day today was a guy selling dog pelts on the way to dinner. Paws and all. I thought I might die. I want to remember the good and bad from this trip. This was very bad. That was the most culture shock for me so far.

This was at dinner tonight.


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